Stop Censorship Now

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So I just watched Watchmen for the first time, and I know I’m four years late, but…

…it was so bad guys.  How did you let me think it was even near decent?

I realize it’s trying to condense a sprawling 12-volume graphic novel into a two-and-a-half hour movie, but sometimes things are called unfilmable for a reason.

There was no coherent plot, despite the heavyhanded character-building I gave zero fucks about any of the characters except for David BowOzymandias (who kicked some ass, way to go being a not-stupid villain!), and the climax was…nonexistent?

At least the entirety of last conversation between Captain Nerdy Whitebread and Could-There-Be-Any-More-Latex Lady made for a really, really great that’s-what-she-said.

I don’t watch TV, much less whatever network Sanjay and Craig is on, but if I did, I would very much not watch that show.

I mean, come on, guys.  You are the very definition of trying too hard, and that shit is just not attractive.  Yeah, I get it.  You’re hip and internet-y and Tumblry.  Maybe if you didn’t tell me about how hip you were every five seconds I might actually believe you.

Tumblr, you are so annoying

When I’m typing an ask and it gets too long, turn your numbers or box red, don’t let me send it, but for the love of all things holy stop deleting the things I type.  I will destroy you.

It feels personally violating, it raises my ire an unreasonable amount.  I literally have a physical reaction to it.  It feels exactly like I’m trying to use a computer and someone is clamping their hand around mine and moving my hand and the mouse, which is the most obnoxious thing ever, except that I can’t reach over and slap the person that’s backspacing all my typing because they’re some idiot Javascript coder who has long since forgotten the evils they committed in some bygone time.

It is seriously one of the most annoying things a computer has ever done to me, and that is saying a lot.

When I read about people whining about the contraception stuff

and saying that their religious freedom is being trampled on because they have to pay into insurance that sometimes provides condoms, all I can think is:

The rest of us paid and are still paying for two goddamn fucking wars.  Our money went not to preventing unwanted pregnancies, helping give women control over their sexuality, and contributing to the overall health of our nation, but instead went to deliberately bombing, killing, shooting, maiming, and otherwise destroying real, live, adult (and child), living, breathing, thinking, independent human beings.  Well over 100,000 of them weren’t even the people we were trying to kill.  That violates all kinds of things in my moral code, but you don’t see me whining about having to choose between obeying my morals and obeying the law.

So you can just shut the fuck up about maybe possibly having to contribute towards something that at worst flushes an embryo out of somebody’s uterus, and most likely just prevents unwanted pregnancies in the first place.  K?

The hell, Tumblr?

First character limits, and now we can’t even put line breaks in our Ask messages?

What kind of inanity is this?  Who thought this was a good idea?

Seriously.  No one likes this.

[Appropriate gif]

Oh good lord. This is the National Day of Prayer video? Evidently God is an Angry God of thunderclouds and lighting, waiting to strike down those who don’t get down on their hands and knees and pray in terribly acted fashion. Heaven help us if we think this is the remedy to our nation’s problems.

Oh, and yes, it’s totally legit, complete with default IIS favicon and everything.  I checked, because Poe’s Law remains very alive and well.

If I try to get into a relationship in the next six months

…punch me in the face, and then tell the girl to run.  

And you should be skeptical for at least a year, maybe more.  I don’t know how these timescales work when I’m 22, but I seriously need to figure my shit out before even thinking about getting involved with anyone else.